This is my very first post. Wow where to begin! Why am i here?? What brought me to write a blog?? Damn good question!! I hope to find myself, to figure it all out and find a way to breathe. An escape, a place to anonymously get it all out. Then heal..and move on!
So lets start with who I am. I am a woman who in 6 short months will be 30 and feels as though time has slipped through my fingers. aging to fast yet still feel not old enough!
A mother to a 12 yr old and a 4 year old. A mother who feels as though i have to step it up! Get more patience. Have more brady bunch moments. Find the time to sit down and really listen to them more and stop expecting the 12 year old to watch her brother while i have long baths. The mom guilt list goes on. The self improvment ideas are endless. But the strength to regularly follow through with all these changes seems to slip away. **please refer to Get more patience**
Im a fiance to a man whom ive been with and living with for 10 years. A man who is to be my husband in 7 months. I man i no longer love and a man who i may just end up walking away from. The relationship is toxic. He is the exact same man i met at 19 and that has alot to do with why i feel the way i feel and why we are the way we are. I struggle between staying and never fully being happy/respected/understood and leaving to pursue such things but dealing with loneliness/depression/and the unknown
I am a woman/a mother/ a soon to be wife????? Who doesnt know who she is anymore. I dont know what i enjoy doing. But i know every member of my families hobbies. I used to enjoy writing. So after googling what is a blog and how do i start one i ended up here. Im unsure as to whether or not anyone will ever read this but i am looking forward to documenting my growth! My struggles with the inevitable aging process aka my current midlife crisis! My triumphs and my struggles as a mom! My struggles in a relationship with a man who i feel is incapable of loving me in a way i feel i need!! My constant worrying about everyone else and everything! And the emerging of the true me!! The me who hasnt had a chance to shine in a very long time! The me who i have forgot… The me who im excited to get to know!!!! Im just trying to figure it all out and BREATHE!!!
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